In the middle of the night
when all is so dark and empty
there is nothing for me to see or do.
My mind shoots me back to that
dreaded place I knew well, when I was 17.
Fearing death and my non-existence.
These momentary incisions literally
shake me as I am overwhelmed
by some uncontrollable force.
The panic attack as they named it,
has returned tonight.
Back then, I had
my whole life before me.
I could rationalise these moments.
Now, and as I get older,
I see that this dread
is in fact, a blessing of love.
I’ve learned that the losing of my self
is what we all ultimately
move through in dying.
We each have to let go of what
we are so desperate not to lose,
as we become everything that is love.
It is no surprise to me tonight
that my brain still struggles
and refuses to let go.
For it knows that this is simply
and not the appointment.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT EXERCISE
1. What sort of appointment reminders do you receive?